www.shamanicvisions.com/ingerman98.html
and re-bookmark this page.
1999 workshop schedule for "The Way of the Shaman"
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Join Sandra Ingerman with Deidre Bainbridge, and Ahmed Fayed on a pilgrimage Contact: Deidre Bainbridge at 307-739-0748 or at her e-mail hathor@blissnet.com |
Announcement : Many workshop participants have been asking me for years if there is any way to update Soul Revival: Mending the Fragmented Self to reflect the changes in my work with soul retrieval and my teaching of it. Finally, Harper San Francisco gave me permission to add two pages. What I have done is added these pages titled Author's Note after Michael Harrier's foreword. These new pages will appear in the next printing which I am guessing will come out in the next couple of months.
For a complete listing of all my introductory and advanced workshops you can get a calendar from The Foundation for Shamanic Studies, PO. Box 1939, Mill Valley, CA. 94942. 415-380-8282.
For more information on the Foundation for Shamanic Studies you can check into their web site, The Foundation for Shamanic Studies
"A Fall to Grace is a teaching story about the healing power of love and the spiritual transformation available in the gift of intimate relationships."
Angeles Arrien, Ph. D.
Author of The Four-Fold Way and Signs of Life
"Sandra Ingerman's intriguing novel is a rich source of conversations with wise and ancient teachers who can inspire our search for meaning in life and from whom we can learn important truths about our spiritual paths."
Tom Cowan
Author of Fire in the Head: Shamanism & the Celtic Spirit and Shamanism As a Spiritual Practice for Daily Life
"Sandra Ingerman's novel is delightful, poignant, and sure to inspire courage in us all."
Jamie Sams
Author of Medicine Cards and The 13 Original Clan Mothers
"Sandra Ingerman has somehow found words for the wordless. Read, and remember."
Eliot Cowan
Author of Plant Spirit Medicine
We are dreaming the wrong dream.
These words are being passed down from different shamans around the world for people in our time to hear. Other visionaries are proclaiming the time of the patriarchy is coming to an end. The time has come for the reemergence of the feminine.
What does all that mean?
Many different spiritual systems around the world throughout time have addressed this planet as a planet of illusion. If you have ever had the grace of expanded consciousness, even for a moment, you probably had the experience of the illusory quality of this world.
If this planet truly is one of illusion then why are we dreaming, a dream that is filled with separation, fear, guilt, and suffering? If we have the opportunity to create a different illusion why don't we dream a dream that embraces love, harmony, connection to all, and let's not forget joy.
We all hold the principle of the male and female, the yin and yang inside of us. So when I speak of the patriarchy or the male, or the feminine principle, I address men and woman alike. We have been led by an aspect of the male principle for at least the last two thousand years. I think we have experienced oftentimes the shadow side of the male. We really have been learning about the principle of dominance, power over. control, separation leading to fear. We are at a time in our evolution that this side of the male has become very destructive We are genetically programmed to survive. If we follow our genetic program then we must now shift to a new paradigm.
We must begin to look at ways to use power to transmute energy instead of using power to conquer, dominate, and control. We must look at using our energy to embrace all of life and see how we are all connected. We must look at using our power to create life instead of destroying life We need to remember our connection with all things.
We need to be visionaries for ourselves and our planet. We need to once again blend the visionary, creative, loving, and compassionate sides of the male and feminine inside of ourselves. We need this Alchemy to dream a new dream.
My intention in writing A Fall to Grace was to share the spiritual lessons I have learned over the last twenty or so years. My spiritual path has led me to look at the illusory quality of life and how to turn it into one of excitement and adventure. We can create something much different than we see today on the planet.
My vision with this web page is to lead you through the spiritual principles I have written about in A Fall to Grace. Each month I will give you suggestions for journeys or meditations you might do in your own spiritual practice to tap into the creative and life giving principle of the male and female energies that live inside of you.
First let me ask you some questions. Have you noticed that acquiring more material possessions in your life has not created lasting happiness? Have you noticed that you don't seem to have the control over your life that you think you need to create the feeling of security and safety? Do you feel that your life is full of meaning and passion?
A life without meaning for me leads to despair. If by answering the questions above you find that you are looking for more out of life I ask you to join me on the adventure ahead to dream a new dream and become a pioneer and visionary with me.
Let's start at the beginning.
To look at dreaming a new dream and embarking on the work of the visionary you are stepping in to a territory that has no map. With choosing this path you might find that you feel as if you are now in the void.
In A Fall to Grace, C Alexandra is led into a cave with no light to guide her except the light that lives inside of her. The chant or mantra she used to find her way out of the darkness was "the strength of my Spirit will carry me through the void."
Suggested questions to journey on or meditate on or thoughts to ponder on:
Next month we will explore the issue of power.
Last month I suggested you journey or meditate to tap into your own spirit. If you had success in tapping into your spirit you now realize that you have nothing to lose.
On page, 5 C's teacher says to her;
"The fear that runs you is the fear of loss. And yet there is nothing to lose, for you will always have your 'self'. You must see life as an adventure. Then, once you learn that there is truly nothing to lose, you will surrender to the adventure. It is within that place of surrender that your path can be shown to you. It is out of that place of surrender that your true beauty and creativity can burst forth. No longer will the ego and personality have power over you."
C's teacher warns her to watch for how she gets distracted and pulled out of her center.
How do you get pulled from your center, away from being fully aware and present in your life ?
Journey or meditate on ways to gather yourself together once you have been pulled away from yourself.
On page 8 , C's teacher introduces the concept "in and out are the same". The concept will be spoken of throughout the book.
Journey, meditate on, or think about how your outer world reflects back to you what is happening in your own inner state.
On page 10, C lands in the world of the little tree man for the first time.
"I awake slowly. With my eyes still closed, I revel in the richness of the soil beneath me. I've forgotten how nurturing it is to simply lie on the earth, I note. I wish I had more time to do this during my busy life. 1 guess I could make time for it if I really want to. I need to re-evaluate my priorities."
In dreaming a new dream it is important to reevaluate your priorities. I low do you need to re prioritize your life to nurture your new dream?
Power is the ability to use and transform energy. This is the physics definition of power.
On page 11 the little tree man asks C:
"If all the power in the universe were available to you, what would you do with it?"
Try asking yourself this question.
The tree man continues:
"Until you understand your connection with all that lives - and stop feeling separate from the people around you and all other life forms in the universe - it is not appropriate for you to tap into your full power. Right now your ego has hold of your power. The ego experiences itself as separate from the rest of life, and it seeks power over others. Hence the ego cannot use the power of the universe in a way that serves all."
He goes on (page 12) to explain that C is not ready to experience all the power of the universe. But he suggests she seek knowledge:
"How to live your life in accordance with the laws of nature - this is the kind of knowledge you should be seeking. You know that you are not separate from nature, that you cannot control nature. Control is not true power. Working with and living with is true power.
The doctors and healers in your land seek to cure disease. But what good does it do to cure disease if they do not teach people how to live?
If the doctors successfully remove the tumor from your body and you re-engage in a life of stress and anxiety, will they have effected a cure? You might only continue to abuse the body, replacing an old illness with a new one. To move in the direction of good health and happiness you will need to see yourself as part of life. But how can you do this if you don't know the power of the sun, the earth, the moon, stars, water, wind, fire, and the ways in which they move around you, with you, and within you?"
Do you live your life in accordance with nature? Journey meditate or think about the question: What changes do you need to make in your life to be in harmony?
Copyright 1997 Sandra Ingerman
C Alexandra completes her journey through the darkness of the cave. She learned that the strength of her spirit will carry her through the void. She also learned that just sitting down in the darkness and refusing to move would get her no where.
Sometimes we need to keep walking even though we cannot see the future or what is ahead.
C returns to the home of the little tree man and looks for a place to rest.
A mother pine tree several yards to my left invites me to lean against her. How do I know this? Through an inner voice that calls to me. Trusting that voice, I crawl to the tree. My legs feel stiff with tension. Fear, I muse, is so exhausting, so stressful on the body. Is my illness caused by fear-induced stress?
Leaning against the tree, I discover that my back too, is stiff. The voice within instructs me to breathe in and with each exhalation to relax. Many breaths later I feel as though the tree is holding me, containing all that I have experienced, and casting no judgment. This tree, I can tell, is alive! It somehow knows me and communicates with me.
I close my eyes and lose myself in the uncanny vigor of my surroundings. I seem to be soaking up something other than beauty, something I cannot yet put my finger on.
The tree man approaches. 'May I join you?'
Without opening my eyes I reply, 'Certainly. I am struck by the formality of his request.
'What you are experiencing is a very important piece of the puzzle. The vitality you feel is mirroring back to you the vitality of your essence. Here you can start to learn who you really are.
'As you recognize that the tree is part of you and that you are part of the tree, new awareness will emerge. You will be able to see that, contrary to your previous perception, there is no separation between you and the rest of life. Your mind creates separation; your fear reinforces separation; your ego feels separate. In other words, you have invented the separation. It is an illusion you live your life with.
'Now what? How are you likely to behave under the influence of this new awareness? Well, if you love yourself, then you will treat the tree and the beings of nature with love and respect. if you hold on to fear or anger, these will be the feelings reflected in your interactions, leading ultimately to a path of disharmony and destruction."
Shamans have always believed that all things have spirit, that everything is alive. Shamans spent great parts of their day communicating with nature: the trees, the plants, the insects, animals, the sky, the sun, the moon, the earth, the water, the fire, the world, etc. The "web of life" was respected
Try to commit one half hour to one hour everyday for one month to take a short walk in nature. As you walk breathe and try to expand your awareness to embrace all of life.
Take note of any messages that come to you from being out in nature.
As you proceed in your day notice how your outer world reflects back your own inner states.
After one month notice the shift in your awareness and mood. Decide if this is practice that is worth keeping up.
On page 26 C meets up with three headed anaconda. That's quite an image isn't it? Anyway, she has a very strong message for C Alexandra.
"The heads start to sway in my direction. A part of me feels revolted, yet another part is fascinated by the beauty and power of this creature. Then the anaconda swings one of her heads close to mine, baring her teeth at me.
'What do you want?' she hisses. 'We are not sure what your intention is.'
'I just want to paddle down river and find my way back to my friends.'
'That's not what we mean. What do you want? What are the powers you are calling in? You have not been clear in your intention.'
'That's not true! I am a good person,' I state, resenting her accusatory tone. 'I haven't done anything wrong.' My heart is visibly pounding outside my chest.
She repeats, 'You have not been clear in your intention. You have been unaware of the powers you are calling in. Be careful about what you are calling in.' "
I'm sure you have heard "be careful of what you ask for because you might get it." Or maybe you are familiar with the belief that if we can dream it we can make it happen.
If you believe that there is more to reality than what you can see and touch, then this is an important lesson for you. Our thoughts, wishes, and desires translate to energy. Energy creates something. Our thoughts, wishes, and desires therefore have a vibration and energy that actually result in a manifestation in our lives. After all we are here to learn about manifestation.
Are you interested in manifestation? Do you want to learn more of how to be a creative being - creating a positive present and future for yourself and the planet?
Then start to be aware of 'what you are calling in, or what you are calling- to you'. If you have been on a spiritual path or on a path of personal healing then it means you have more creative power available to you. As you proceed on your path it is important to be aware of what you are calling in.
I struggle with myself about needing to spell this out for you with more words. I think it's best to sit with this one. Is it time for you to be more conscious about what you are creating around you in your life? How can you be more aware of this process so that you are manifesting your soul's destiny and not just simple egotistic desires?
These are good questions to journey on or meditate on.
C's journey continues to the Upperworld where she meets Jonathan and Leah. I am now referring to pages 28-31.
C speaks to Jonathan about the light beings waiting to be born.
"Jonathan looks at me gently and says, 'No. They have not forgotten who they are. They are pure light. When one remembers this, there is no suffering or pain. Light does not suffer or know pain. Light knows only light.'
Leah chimes in, 'In your time, your parents have forgotten their light. Your parent's parents forgot theirs too. Political upheaval in the country they came from made life very hard. Emigrating to another country and living in the throes of economic depression did not allow time for spiritual pursuits. Hence they have no memory of their origins. Bereft of easy access to these memories, they know only a sense of separation, aloneness. This feeling of isolation can manifest as fear, or often anger. The sad truth is that when you have forgotten who your are, it is hard to care for others bundles of light who come into the world.
'The earth experience,' she adds, 'is for remembering who you really are.' "
We live in a society where people are disconnected from their original gifts, strengths and talents. We are born into lives we are not recognized for who we really are. Instead our identity forms out of the projections put upon us from our families, friends, teachers, authority figures, etc.
In Welcome Home: Following Our Soul's Journey Home, I wrote a chapter on soul remembering. Who are you beyond who you were told you are. What are the qualities and strengths you possessed as you were born that want to unfold in this lifetime.
Journey on this or meditate on this. Try to get a visual symbol that would represent these qualities, strengths, and gifts. Draw a picture of the symbol or symbols. Put this picture up in a place where you will see it a few times a day. Use this symbol as a visual affirmation of who you are.
When you can really recognize yourself you will find that this will create many positive reverberations in your life.
You might find that you can better take care of yourself and honor yourself. As you do this you can better honor others.
And as you do this, you will learn how to be more aware and conscious of what you are creating around you.
Shamans were people who knew how to take in the poisons of their clients and transmute that poison into healing. This concept has been the subject of my fascination and personal investigation for years.
When I have researched healers who had and have the ability to do this, they all report the same thing. They see the body and the aura as pure light.
This is something to think about isn't it, as we explore our own true nature and ability to heal ourselves and others.
In previous web pages I have talked about working with the mind. I want to continue working with this as I really believe the mind and working with our thoughts is a primary road to creating harmony) health, abundance, and love in our lives. At this point in time, I do believe working with our minds is the key to transmuting energy.
As our thoughts have a tremendous amount of power a great deal of discipline is needed. For example, a few months ago I was not feeling well. I had a very strong meditation during this time. I met this great feminine power who told me there is never anything wrong with the body. The body just follows instructions from the mind. It's an amazing concept to think the mind can give the body misinformation and the body can be controlled in this way.
Test this out for yourself. Have you ever been afraid when you knew intuitively there was nothing to fear? Have you found that your fearful thoughts could affect you negatively; meaning your body believed your mind instead of the guidance from your spirit?
If you can find an instance like this then you know what I mean. You can see how you might be dreaming the wrong dream in your life.
Let's take a look at a conversation the tree man has with C Alexandra on page 32-33:
C says "Although I have had fleeting feelings of pure love in my life, mostly I am caught up in feelings of separation, like those you have described to me. I am prone to fits of jealousy and bouts of anger. Usually it is a silent anger in which I refrain from yelling at the people I'm upset with - but boy, if they only knew what I was thinking. And most days I live in fear of 'what is going to get me next?' How can I remember my light while all these emotions are bubbling up inside me? How can I exhibit compassion and patience if I'm continually on the verge of agitation?
"I think the anaconda was right - I haven't been clear in my intention. My desires don't always harmonize with my thoughts. I know you are right as well, when you say it is not time for me to get fully in touch with my power. What would I do with it when I forget myself, which happens so easily?"
The little man, with a resolute expression on his face and love in his voice, says: "As long as I have known you - and that has been much longer than you think - you have wanted everything on the spot. No instant enlightenment is enduring, however. The state of consciousness you wish to attain is a life path. And the best approach to it is to develop a practice in which you can learn to step out of yourself and slowly bring your awareness back to who you are.
"When you get caught up in jealousy or anger or fear, remove yourself from the situation. Become an observer at a play - that's what life is, after all. You have a choice: You can take the actor's part so seriously that you become lost in the drama, or you can remember that you are simply acting out a script. Be patient; this perspective requires practice. For now, keep coming back to your true self.
"The same goes for what you think of as your silent anger. Actually, there is no such thing as silent anger, my dear. An unspoken emotion sends quite a reverberation into the universe, because behind every emotion is an energy. So the task is to learn to express your emotions without catapulting them through space.
"How can such a feat be accomplished? First, by acknowledging that the 'little self' is afraid. Then, by coming back to who you really are - for who you really are cannot be hurt.
"It's all very simple. You humans make life so much more complicated than it is. You look for extraordinary experiences to be awed or rescued by. But all you really need to do is remember who you are."
Try this practice:
Every time a problematic or negative thought comes up experience it and ask it to be transformed to healing energy. Taoist psychology teaches us an energy, feeling, thought must be experienced fully in order to be transformed. Once an energy has been fully experienced it has no choice but to transform. So the key is to experience yourself fully and then ask for help in the transmutation of negative thoughts.
In this way you change the vibration of the thought forms you have put out into the universe. And you have not denied your humanness.
This practice takes a lot of awareness. Do not get into a place of guilt about having emotions and negative thoughts. They come from the ego place in yourself that feels separate. Have compassion. Be aware, experience, transform and transmute the thoughts and then move on.
I have been encouraging you to look at what you are putting out into the world. The other side of this is to look at what other people have put on you.
On page 44 the tree man says to C: "Are you aware of the great disappointment you feel in life?"
"I am aware of many disappointments, I respond.
"Do you believe that the people around you see you for who you are?"
"Oh, that disappointment. No, I have never felt seen by the people around me. One of my goals is to find people who can see me for who I truly am. And now, thanks to your help, I know who I truly am. Maybe with the change in my awareness I will be able to find individuals who will see me."
"You might be disappointed in your endeavors. Because the humans of your time perceive themselves as separate from the rest of life, they tend to project their thoughts and feelings onto others. This way they can see aspects of themselves mirrored back to them.
"Different people mirror back different qualities. One might reflect anger, giving the impression that the person himself is angry. Another might reelect sadness. Still others will sit before a great spiritual master and have mirrored back to them their own light or the loving heart that dwells within them.
"The problem occurs when one is unaware of the dynamics of projection and attributes the mirrored qualities to individuals in the environment. A woman repulsed by her partner's anger, for example, may not see that it is her anger she is repulsed by. She may consequently judge her partner in lieu of owning the projection. This dangerous state of mind is prevalent in your time.
"Here's another example. A man who studies with wise, living teacher may ascribe to this mentor a love that in fact lives within him. False dependencies of this sort lead to unfortunate illusions.
"Serious misunderstandings arise when one casts onto another what one likes or dislikes about oneself. There is no way to be in right relationship with oneself or another while attached to these projections."
"Are you saying that no one will ever see me for who I am?" I ask.
"Anyone looking through the eyes of ego and personality will be seeing qualities of himself in you."
"How absolutely depressing."
"It doesn't have to be. Knowing who you are is really all that matters."
We can take this concept a little further. Skipping to page 136, C speaks to the issue of socialization using the metaphor of being sculpted:
"I see family members, teachers, other authority figures, friends, and strangers, all throwing clay onto the sculpture that is me. They fling out their projections, beliefs, attitudes, judgments, and feelings. Before long I have lost my identity to the figurine forged by others.
I watch the clay begin to harden, wearing on my body and creating an unnatural tension. I am weighted down by the rules of society, the projections cast by others, and the negative feelings in the world around me."
In Welcome Home: Following Your Soul's Journey Home
I wrote a chapter on the concept of soul remembering. This is a different aspect from soul retrieval.
When we came into this world we came in with gifts, talents, and strengths that we want to manifest in this lifetime. We came in with unique qualities.
From a very early age others start to tell us who they think we are, projecting onto us a false definition of self.
Part of the healing for all of us is to begins to unravel the projections to remember ourselves.
During this month spend some time everyday journeying on or meditating on your true nature. Who are you really beyond who you were told you are? What is your original essence?
Write down qualities you associate with yourself. Check in with your own intuition to really try to get an experience if these qualities really feel like you. You might even consider drawing or painting symbols that are associated with your true essence.
For years I worked with Angeles Arrien. She says among the Basque people there is a saying that we are all walking stars on a great big giant star.
For your own healing start to find your own star nature.
In looking at all the issues affecting our ability to transmute energy and dream a new dream for ourselves, where does our past fit in?
On page 47 the tree man says to C:
"Don't distract yourself from the experience at hand," cautions the tee man, having heard my thoughts once again "Stay with your experience. As one of your previous teachers says, Worry takes you into the past or the future, and never lets you deal with the present. Bring your attention back to the present each time you catch yourself wandering off"
"Does this mean I don't have to look at my past?" I inquire.
"No, your past can provide a helpful perspective. From this vantage point you can see how your earlier life experiences influence your current decisions and patterns. This is very important work. One who can see clearly what has been running her life has the capacity to make new choices. To dwell on the past without raising your awareness, on the other hand may cause you to recreate old painful situations over and over again. You have the power to change your life, remember?"
He doesn't wait for my response. "There are times for contemplating the past and times for staying in the moment. When delving into the past or future to escape the present, try to find your way back so that you can observe the feelings arising in the here and now."
In Welcome Home: Following Your Soul's Journey Home, wrote about a dream I had many years ago. The message in the dream was: "What kind of future are we creating if we are stuck back in the woundedness of our past?"
As the tree man advises, it is important for us to see what in our past is "running us". But after we see it, process it, it is time to close that door. Ann yes, that can feel like a death in our lives. There are many little deaths that we experience as we continue to become initiated into who we really are.
As a wise man I know once said, "If you cannot let go of the past you are condemned to live it."
As we move into winter, what parts of life is it time to bury, to be cooked and transformed deep inside the earth? The snow and cold actually allow a furnace to burn inside the earth which gives the seeds the ability to burst forth in the Spring.
What in your past needs to die with the end of the year, so there can be room for new growth in the Spring?
Welcome to 1998. May it be a year full of grace for you.
My message for the beginning of the new year has to do with healing from the inside out.
On page 49 of A Fall to Grace C Alexandra gets a powerful healing from Our Lady of Guadalupe:
"I am being pulled backward through some mysterious veil between the worlds. I hear a loud popping in my ears. Opening my eyes, I see I am in the operating room.
Confusion abounds. Gloves, scalpels, and IV tubes lay helter-skelter about the room. The fluorescent lights are blinking on and off in response to surges of electricity. The doctors' and nurses' eyes freeze with terror. The surgeon and attendants realize what has happened.
I watch from the ceiling as they reassemble around my body. What will happen to me? I ask silently. Can they save my life? Do I want to live?
Shock and fear drive me back into the void, 'Help me decide to live,' I call out. 'Help me know how to do this!"
I am floating in the void, convinced that I am having a heart attack. I can't breathe. My chest is constricted. The life force is being sucked out of my body. 'Help me?' I cry.
'I am here,' says someone softly. I open my eyes and see a woman kneeling beside my body.
'Who are you?'
'In your world I am known as the Virgin of Guadalupe. Here I am your mother who is willing to help. Please close your eyes.'
Our Lady of Guadalupe puts her hands on my heart. 'I have heard your call many times. The energy I contain lives within you. Let me help you remember'
Feeling her hands over my heart, I begin to breathe more easily. The calm and peace that has left me returns.
'When I place my hands on a person in a healing way,' she explains, 'I am not channeling, healing energy in from the outside; I am helping the person remember the source of all healing, which resides within. I am helping you heal from the inside out. That is what you need right now. Remember the source of life that is in you.'
Her hands remain in place a while longer, then she quietly departs, leaving the imprint of her love on me. I feel grace - something I've prayed for without knowing what it was. Now I know what grace is."
We often pray for help in our lives looking to outside sources of healing. Can you imagine how empowered you would feel if you could tap into the source of healing that lives inside of you?
Is there a teacher, god or goddess, or mythical figure that you believe holds the power to heal? Spend some time each day visualizing or imagining this figure being part of you. Let the power of this figure shine through you allowing you to heal from the inside out.
Last month we looked at healing from the inside out. I hope you made some progress with this.
This is all part of learning how to transmute energy. For in order to transmute we must be in touch with our own source. You can't transmute if you are relying on others' power sources.
There are ways we can support this process. We need to open to life and fully receive life and light around us.
On page 60 the tree man is teaching C how to go out and find plants to eat that will also have healing properties. Here are some excerpts that are relevant to the point I am making:
"Now pull your energy from this plant enough to be able to speak with it, remembering as you do that you are still part of the plant and the plant is still part of you. Ask if it will share its life with you. Ask what it has to give you."
I ask these questions, thrilled to be actually talking to a plant.
The green and yellow plant replies: "As you receive my spirit into yours, I will heal your anxiety and return your essence to its original calmness. I am happy to do this for you, but you must be willing to receive the gift. Eat me, and as you do, open yourself fully to receive the healing. Do not eat me unconsciously - pay attention to the energy you are taking in and merging with."
I think back to my customary eating habits. Boy, do I go unconscious, I tell myself. Rarely do I have a clue about what I am eating. I am usually shoveling whatever l can find into my mouth because I've waited too long and my blood sugar has dropped to dangerous levels. Or I am daydreaming, or working, or talking a mile a minute as I chew. It will be a new experience to open myself to nurturing . I wish someone had taught me this before.
After more conversation with the tree man, he continues saying:
"There are laws of nature that human beings must abide by," the little tree man adds as we make our way back to the meadow. "They may think they are above the law, but in reality we are all accountable to nature and its laws. We are each a part of life, and not separate from it.
"And so you must continue finding food sources that are nurturing. Even if you buy food in a store, you can take it home and merge with it. Find out how it will nurture you. If you discover that what you bought will not energize you, consider returning it to the earth rather than taking it inside you. You will slowly learn which foods are enhancing and which ones are destructive."
Focus this month on truly breathing in life force. Focus and concentrate on what you take in to your body. Does this support you? Can you really receive the light from what you eat?
With intention focus on feeding your own life source.
In giving you a monthly web page I have been using excerpts from A Fall to Grace. I have been going through the book in order and writing about the spiritual lessons embedded in the story of C Alexandra.
This month I am taking a time out from the book. I would like to share with you a bit about my own personal process in hope that it will help you in working with the material I have and will continue writing about.
About a year ago, it was brought to my attention that I did not trust myself. This was not news to me. I always knew that I trusted the spirits with whom I have been working with over the past 20 years. But I knew that I didn't trust myself.
I decided that since it was brought to my attention, I would work with this. In my morning meditations and journeys I asked for help with this issue. I found that the spirits gave me wonderful esoteric solutions that sounded great and made sense. But the information was very difficult to put into practice as I am a human being with an ego.
For example, the concept of unconditional love for the self is a wonderful concept. But how does the ego part of oneself fully embrace this into one's life.
I found myself over the months really appreciating the insights I was getting from the spirits. On the other hand I didn't think it was possible to work with those insights. But what I did was I kept my attention on the issue of trusting myself. A few times a day I would find myself pondering this issue, and reviewing my journeys. After a few months went by I noticed a change in myself. I all of a sudden noticed that I had made a decision to trust myself. I can't tell you how I did this, it just happened.
My journeys for myself and others became much stronger as I did not have the filter of the mistrusting mind chatter.
When I reflected on how this change occurred, I realized it occurred by keeping my attention on this issue. Although I could not come up with any conscious solutions, I just kept up my awareness that I wanted a change in the trust arena and it happened.
Next my journeys and meditations changed into seeing that I had to work on my issues of fear and how fear limited me in my work and life. Again, I found the guidance of the spirits beautiful, but a bit too esoteric to make practical. Again, I just kept my focus and attention on this issue.
One day I woke up with the absolute resolution that I would not let fear stop me from fully living my life. A real healing had taken place.
Because I travel so much teaching, I have the wonderful opportunity to see what people are working on all over the world. I find that the energy that is surrounding many is feeling a real need to resolve very old issues. Yes, we have all been feeling this for some time, but the urgency seems to be greater. I am not one to fall into the illusion of prophesy, but it does seem that great change is in the air and that many people want to rise to the occasion.
But sometimes our issues feel so big. And what I am suggesting is maybe there are not always conscious practical solutions. Maybe we can create healing and change in our lives, by fully putting our attention on issues we want to heal. Try it.
This New Year I found myself wanting to make a new resolution. I felt in every cell in my own body that what I want to fin in life is the source of my own light.
I have been putting my attention on this. I recently journeyed on this issue and was shown a variety of gem stones. I really saw that their amazing shine comes from the inside out. It does not come from the surface.
In January's web page I brought up the concept of healing from the inside out. This goes along with shining from the inside out.
You might want to work with a gemstone or crystal that you have who can mirror back this quality of shining to you. Put your attention on the crystal or gem you are working with. Set your intention to learn how to shine in this way. Notice if by setting you intention and focusing your awareness on this issue if change begins to happen.
Remember that what is important is the journey and the process. There is no where to get to, so try and enjoy the journey. When one can truly let go of outcome life becomes so much more interesting.
In Welcome Home I shared a case study where I worked with a woman who come to see me with advanced AIDS.
AIDS was the third life threatening illness she had dealt with in her life. I had a very vivid journey about her childhood. Without going into the journey I would like to share the bottom line of the message my power animal gave me for her. He said: "Her disease was caused by apathy and the cure was passion." He went on to say that her lesson in this lifetime was what happens when another life form has more passion for life than you do. It takes over.
This was a very powerful message for me, as I do not see our culture as one that embraces Passion. And we are thus dealing with a variety of illnesses that seem to want to survive more than we do.
I brought this message into A Fall to Grace on page 62. The tree man says to C:
You must do what brings you passion, fills your heart with joy, and infuses your life with meaning. If you don't follow your passion, you may become barren and meaningless, leaving empty spaces within you.
Empty spaces provide breeding grounds for bacteria viruses, and other life forms that can take up residence in the body. They begin to colonize when they have more desire for life than you do Then they feed upon your body and you become their container.
"If you follow your passion, however, you will be full of yourself. The internal microorganisms will then be content to live in harmony with you, allowing you to remain physically and emotionally healthy. When you begin doing what has meaning for you, you will love your life. Of course, there will still be issues to deal with, up-and-down cycles like the ebb and flow of the ocean's tides, but that is a topic for another discussion. For now, please remember that one of your adventures in life is to discover the path that makes your heart feel full."
My biggest challenge in my work has been to help my clients and students find what would bring passion and meaning back into one's life. After all most of us were trained to be factory workers. We were not valued for our creativity and individuality. We were taught how to behave and fit into society. Most of us have paid a dear price for this,
Try to journey or meditate on this question: "What is something begin to do tomorrow that would help me bring passion and meaning back to my life?"
I urge you to look for something small you can begin to do. Often people come up with such overwhelming goals that they get paralyzed and can't move forward. Take small steps to bringing creative energy back into your life again.
Last month I suggested that you look at what you could begin to do to bring passion and meaning into your life. How did go? Oftentimes, when we begin to do this work at first we are inspired. Then a voice begins to creep into our heads giving us all the reasons why we cannot accomplish what we set out to do. Did you find this happening?
It's important to explore whose voice this is. Sometimes it comes from something we heard from a parent, teacher, or some other authority figure as a child.
If you know how to journey go to your power animal or teacher and ask this question: What is the core attitude or belief I am holding that prevents me in using my creativity?
If you do not know how to journey you can meditate on this question and see what you come up with.
Now try to come up with a ritual that you can perform to begin the process of releasing the limiting belief and/or attitude. I like to work with fire myself. I teach my students and clients to make a talisman that becomes empowered with the limiting believe or attitude. But you can work with an element in nature that you are most connected to. Releasing into water, air, or earth with the intention that this be transmuted with healing energy.
Will one ritual release you form this burden for the rest of your life?
Probably not. But it will give your body, mind, and spirit a strong focus of the work that needs to be done. This strong intention will ignite the power of you own psyche to continue the work of releasing.
Don't forget to spend some time grieving over the loss of this belief or attitude. If it really is a core belief or attitude it has been with you for your whole life. It is an old friend. That voice has kept you company. Thank it for trying to help you survive and defend yourself in the world. But it is time to say goodbye.
It is time to let go of our limitations that we have imposed ourselves. It is time to let go of the limiting beliefs others have imposed on us. If we are truly attempting to dream a anew dream we need the ability to imagine the possibilities without limitation.
We now come to the part of A Fall to Grace where C. Alexander meets Etienne. I want to share with you some trivia.
When I started writing A Fall to Grace I asked my husband Woods to read what I had written. He told me that he thought the book needed more romance. I asked him if he minded if I made a fictional character that somewhat represented him. I couldn't portray him completely as I was writing a fiction not the story of my life. But I wanted to use parts of him in the book. He said that it was fine.
So I created this character called Etienne and began to create some romance for C. When I showed what I had written to Woods, he looked at me and said where did you get the name Etienne? I said it just came to me.
It turned out that in high school, Woods was an exchange student in France. The family he lived with refused to call him Woods and called him Etienne instead. I did not know this. This was just one of the magical things that happened with this book.
Speaking of magic I would like to move to page 74. I have always been fascinated by the creation and manifestation process. I have studied this through reading, through working with clients, and through my own experience. I have learned a lot over the years and look forward to doing more writing on this topic this year.
There are two writers who have affected me recently. One is Larry Dossey who writes about the power of non-directed prayer, meaning not asking for specifics but instead praying for "thy will be done". The other is Neville, a modern day mystic who wrote many books in the 1950"s on using our power of imagination to get what we want. Both men are extraordinary teachers and if you haven't checked out their writing you might want to.
One of the issues I wrestle with in my own life is when should I use non-directed prayer and give my wishes and best interests to a higher power. And when do I need to get active and see myself as the creator of my reality and start working with my imagination. There is a fine line to dance with this.
At this point in my life I know that people and material objects don't make me happy. So I don't use creative methods for material things. But I do work with these issues for healing myself, my clients, and the planet.
On page 74 I was writing about something more in my far away past; where I oftentimes engaged in trying to draw people close to me.
Isis says here:
"Don't use unnatural powers to get him," she implores, "or you will regret it for the rest of your life. If you are meant to be with him, C Alexander, let him come to you out of his own free will."
Have you ever tried to use your energy to create an unnatural connection with someone? In Soul Retrieval I wrote "the greatest gift you can give someone is that of freedom and choice."
As you discover more of your creative potential in life, make sure you can be honest with yourself of how you have or still do use your energy to manipulate people around you. It's so important to understand our own shadow that creeps up before we dive more into using our energy for creation and manifestation
Think about it.
Summer is officially here. When we think about the season of summer, we often think about flowers blooming, and vegetables growing. Depending on where you live in the world and the climate, some of us might still be thinking about what seeds to plant.
Besides literally going out and planting gardens, it is important to see ourselves as the gardeners of our life.
I have found in teaching all my workshops over this past year that I have really been emphasize one point again and again. This has to do with how we plants seeds with the words we use.
If you choose to do the exercise that I propose you try, your life will really change. Over the next month watch the words you use when you communicate with others and also with yourself. Watch and notice what seeds you are planting. Imagine what kind of plant will grow out of these seeds.
Always ask yourself this question: Are you planting seeds of love or are you planting seeds of fear with these words?
We are often unconscious of the power of the words we use. Do not be hard on yourself if you catch yourself planting seeds you wished you hadn't. This really takes practice. If you choose to really work with this you will be shocked to realize what you are planting out in the world.
Ask for spiritual assistance with this. And remember to keep trying to plant seeds of love. Watch how your life grows in beautiful new directions.
I hope the information I wrote about last month was helpful to you. I found for myself when I began to think of my words and communication as planting seeds, my way of being with myself and others shifted dramatically.
Now let's get back to the drama of C and Etienne. What began as a blissful love affair is now fraught with great conflict. C tries to follow Etienne through the mirror into invisible worlds. She finds herself meeting up with the great sage Lao-tzu, who has some words of wisdom for her.
C asks: "What have I forgotten?"
"That life is constant change. Watch the river for a moment. It perseveres in its journey back to the source. Twists, turns, and obstacles present themselves, and in response the river continually transforms itself. But it never stops moving.
"Life is like that. Many paths will cross the road you walk along. Many situations will arise to hinder you in your return to the source, You must learn how to move with life. You must learn to bend in response to the natural forces that are moving you, just as the river does, and the stars, the moon, the sun, the wind, Any attempt to halt the natural rhythm of life will lead to a path of disharmony. Stop your white-knuckled navigating and let life take you where it may. There will be rapids as well as smooth water. Go with the flow."
"I am discovering the importance of flexibility on my own. Is this what I have forgotten?"
"This is a piece of it, and for now an important one to remember."
"When I saw you in my vision, you seemed disappointed in me. Is this true or was it my projection?"
"I honor where your path takes you, C Alexandra. There is no 'fight way' to grow. Life is a seed of the light. A tree's branches find many ways
to grow toward the sun, the source of light. By the same token, there are many ways for you to grow toward the sun. I honor your path and your journey. I encourage you to be as aware as possible. Don't get lazy. Wake up and live every moment to its fullest."
I wanted to give you some background information on the phrase "life is the seed of the light". Back in the early 1980's I had some difficult decisions to make in my life. Every few months 1 would be awakened in the middle of the night by a booming voice who would give me these very profound one liners. I began to look forward to "the voice".
Once I was torturing myself over a decision to be made. I didn't want to make a choice that I would regret. After weeks of suffering over my choice "the voice" came to me in the middle of the night with the booming words "life is the seed of the light".
What I got from this is that there was no right decision. A branch grows toward the sun sometimes by going up and sometimes by growing left or right. The main goal is to grow towards the sun.
This has really helped me in life with making choices and relieving myself of the self imposed pressure that there is always the right or better choice to make. Every choice we make still allows us to live and grow.
We could learn so much about bringing our lives into harmony and how to heal ourselves and our planet by watching nature. I have already brought this theme into some of the pages I have written. And I will continue to do so as we continue to move through A Fall to Grace.
Recently a friend who has been very dear to my heart committed suicide. Her death had me reread the continuation of the passage from Lao-tzu that I began writing about last month:
"Many little deaths are to be expected in life. You must let the energy of the pain move through you. Don't try to stop it. It's as unnatural to stop pain as it is to hold on to it. Meet the pain, experience it completely, then watch it transform.
"Whenever an energy confronts from either outside or inside, you must meet it. If you ignore it, the energy will intensify. If you threaten it, the energy will intensify. If you meet it fully, the energy will have no choice but to change. This is the way of nature. So experience your loss fully, and it will have no choice but to change. As the river flows violently over rocks and turns to rapids, it stays true to itself. Because it stays true to itself, the forces of nature return it to a state of tranquility.
"All the stages you go through in life are parts of your journey. All the states of consciousness you experience are parts of this adventure. Everything changes - that is the one thing you can count on in life. Stay in the moment with your pain and watch the transformation that occurs. Stay awake to die continuing flow of life."
We are beginning to enter into a whole new cycle as we begin our move from summer into autumn.
Are there changes you find yourself resisting?
Can you find areas in your life where you need to fully experience the energy of your feelings and not try to deny them or resist them in anyway?
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As we move into autumn, we move into a dark and unknowing time in nature. This is a beautiful season, as we watch the trees change colors signifying the letting go of leaves which are no longer vital. The leaves which no longer serve the tree still have a purpose - as they are food for the earth now.
This is a glorious lime of the changing. Oftentimes, we forget we are part of nature. We are all affected by fall. When I used to have a psychotherapy practice, I always sat in amazement as clients came to see me late September complaining tat they felt like they were dying. I used to respond with - look outside and notice what is happening in nature. Because of modem technology we are sheltered from nature, and this often cuts us off to how our own cycles respond to the change in seasons.
Fall is a time of the unknown. Lao-tzu ends his long conversation with C. Alexandra with words of wisdom about the unknown:
"The path of life is unknown. This, too, is part of nature. There is no way to stay in the known. There is no way to know what the future will bring. As soon as you think you know what the future holds, you will be presented with an altogether different picture. There is only change, and the changes up ahead are unknown.
"As long as you remember who you are, you will have nothing to worry about. Just stay on the pat, taking one step at a time. There is no end; there is only the journey.
"Life is much. simpler than you think. The lessons for you to learn are equally simple. Remember who you are and that in this life you are part of nature. Receive the gift of life. Yes, there will be little deaths from time to time, yet new growth and beauty will replace the blooms that have died."
As we don't always know what little deaths are part of our destiny in this time, we must put our trust and faith in our spirit and the power of the universe to help us release that which no longer serves us. Our only role right now is to be the tree who remembers its true nature, and gracefully let go of what needs to return to the earth.
In the next few months we begin to prepare to start a new year. It's good to reflect back on the year we have had. As you do this you might find yourself reflecting back on your relationship and interactions with others. Often when we think about tough times we have had in interacting with others, judgment usually pops up with the memories. We either judge ourselves for mistreating others or judge others for hurting us.
As you reflect back on how your interactions with others went, focus on healing any judgment or blame that you have attached to your own behavior. Guilt is not healthy to carry around.
It's good to remember what Mary shares with C Alexandra:
"You must forgive yourself"
"Forgiving myself is not something I have mastered."
Mary and C go on with discussion for quite some time. Finally, Mary ends with:
"By being so hard on yourself you become stuck, leaving no room for evolution. What you must do instead is learn from your behavior. This you can do by reflecting on your actions and deciding to act differently in
the future. Feeling guilty about your past does riot allow for change. Worse yet, it leaves no room for compassion to come your way from either yourself or energy forms like me.
"Love is what you seek. Without love, the plant that is you cannot be nourished. Without nourishment, it will not live.
"Your choice is clear. Do you wish to receive the love of the universe or do you wish to refuse this love and die? No longer do you have the luxury of indulging in self-blame and judgment.
"If you want to live your life fully, ten start by loving yourself as we love you - or, to use your metaphor, as a puppy would love you. Open up to the grace of love!"
This ties in with some advice that Lao-tzu gives C:
"Think of yourself as a growing plant. A plant puts forth beautiful blooms when it has the energy to do so. The more it is fed, the less energy it needs for growth. If at any point your growth requires too much effort, try to find the needed nourishment. This is your responsibility. The river of live will take you to many places, but you must feed yourself along the way.
Do you nourish yourself with love for yourself? As we continue living through this season of fall what aspects of guilt and judgment do you need to let go of?
These are questions for you to meditate on or journey on this month.
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C spends some time speaking with Isis about her conversation with
Mary:
"I'd like to embrace what Mary said about not feeling indebted when I give love, but I have always felt the pain of others. It's hard enough to be around people in pain, and it's that much harder when I am the cause of it. I don't want anyone to have to suffer. I would rather be in pain than watch someone suffer."
"Your boundaries are clear, though, aren't they?" Isis asks. "Do you know the difference between your pain and someone else's?"
"Often I become lost in suffering without knowing its source. But occasionally I can stop myself, aware that I am feeling someone else's feelings."
"Empathy is important in a healer."
"But I am not a healer."
"Conducting formal healings is not the only way to be a healer. Many who do not call themselves healers are healing all the time. When you listen to others with a sympathetic ear, you are healing them. The key is to avoid taking on their pain. Feel it - which you will do, because you are sensitive- then let it pass through you, knowing that in the process a healing has taken place.
"Do you remember your talk with Lao-tzu? He reminded you that one must fully experience an energy for it to pass through and be released. The problem is that you get caught up in the release.
"You cannot save another person; you can only save yourself. You cannot carry the pain of another, no matter how dear that person is to you. But by sitting with others you can empower them while the strength of their own spirit carries them through the void. You received this lesson yourself. It is now time to bring it to your relationships with others."
"How do you help a person who has lost faith in herself?" I ask.
"Have you ever found yourself in such a situation?" Isis inquires.
"Yes, at times in my life I have lost faith in myself and in God."
"Did anyone come in and rescue you?'
"No, no one could have rescued me from this dark place."
"And yet you survived. What happened?"
"I guess when I hit absolute bottom something inside me takes over. Some observer part of myself calmly lets me know that everything will be okay. This observer doesn't get caught up in the suffering or the drama."
"That's the spirit part of you. What you have been learning in your journeys to these worlds is that you have a spirit that cannot be touched by any person or event, including death. The spirit cannot be hurt and cannot die. When the ego part of you shatters, as it does when you lose faith in everything around you, your spirit has a chance to shine through. You recognized this yourself during your trek through the cave, when you sang, "The strength of my spirit will carry me through the void."
"Yes, but I guess now I need to hear about it again."
"That's fine. Don't judge yourself for having to hear a message more than once. Sometimes we need reminders to help us recall what we have forgotten.
"As for helping others who have lost faith, remember that the loss of faith is a fall from grace. When you allow spirit to help you regain your faith, what a tremendous initiation that is. What a memorable learning! You become cognizant of a reality larger than everyday life and acquire a stronger foundation to stand on.
"Once you know this is true for you, you'll know it pertains to everyone around you. Being there to listen to another person's pain is the first step in helping him regain faith in himself. The second is to hold the energy for him- to provide a container of love that will allow his spirit to
December can be a month of such ups and downs. Some love the holiday spirit of the month, and some feel great pain and loneliness. Some of us love the dark time of the year, and some fall into a depression longing to feel the warmth of the sun.
If you are feeling the joy of this season, celebrate it. But remember to be there to listen to those who might need a friendly ear. And for those of you that go to a deep depth in the darkness, let your spirit be the sun that leads you, heals you, and warms you.
This page was first posted on July 14, 1997